“A little feedback for you – has anyone every told you how you say Sorry a lot?” 

Working with a new client this week – let’s call her Jane – I started to jot down how many times she said sorry as she was explaining about what was going on, why she needed support and how she was struggling… I think I got to 11 times in less than that many minutes.

Oh my goodness, it’s both distracting and – as I felt – annoying.  

It’s a habit and Jane was probably blissfully unaware… or was she?

Jane told me that she was always saying sorry and that she’s even said sorry to a filing cabinet when she bumped into it recently!

We dug a bit into why she thinks she does this.  

When I asked her if she knew she did this it was kind of a relief.  

It was as if she’d wanted to stop it or talk about it but didn’t know how to or who to speak to about it.

For her it’s a coping mechanism to be ‘sorry’ first.  She feels so unsure of herself and how she’s coming across she felt it was easier and safer to apologise in case she needed to.

She didn’t.

Backtracking as we did, she said it spills out at home with her family and friends too.

Oh dear.

• That means people take advantage of your being on the back foot
• People don’t hear it after a while so when you are genuinely sorry, so what…
• You’re not taken so seriously as you are holding your hand up to be wrong

And that’s just a few of the effects.

I asked her what effects it has on her as she knows she’s doing it.

She said she often “feels silly”.

Well – excuse the pun but – “sorry, that’s just not how you get ahead at work” especially when you report to the Board.

Save your ‘Sorry’ for best.  

When you genuinely are or you’ve made a mistake which you need to apologise for.  Not just for something to say.

Jane is working on noticing herself and her tendency to say Sorry and to curb it.  To go quiet.  Sometimes to say nothing, as nothing is needed. 

Or in someone else’s words…

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 “We must remember that an apology isn’t an apology unless it’s meaningful.” -Unknown.

And in other news…

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Well crikey, we’ve had all sorts of weather this week.  Snow flurries (Thelma’s first time seeing it) and sunshine, frost and wind.  Phew.  Definitely a time for woolies and being grateful for a warm home.