How to turn those lemons into your own lemonade

“What is it about you or what has happened in your life that you’ve struggled with?”  The reason I ask you this question is that it’s often exactly these sorts of things that actually make us who we are and – if we recognise them – become an “unfair” advantage to us.  In my work with clients, I’m always asking them to dig in to their story  so we can find their secret-sauce and then bring it out in the way they position themselves and their unique value.  We all have an ‘unfair advantage’, it’s just a case of acknowledging it.

As soon as I read this question, I knew what my “unfair” advantage is.

Being 6ft tall since I was 14. Growing up I was often teased and asked “what’s the weather like up there Lurch?” and “is there enough oxygen up there for you?” oh, and one of the best ones can still be “Ooooh, aren’t you tall?” – I’d often (and still do) say “oh, thank you for telling me, I hadn’t noticed!”  In my teens, I used to get to parties and immediately take my shoes off saying my feet hurt.  In reality, I wanted to be smaller, to blend in more.

Now I recognise being tall means I’m noticed and remembered and often when growing up, was assumed to be either older or wiser (or both!) than I was.   My height gives me a natural presence, which, in business just as in life, helps.  I had no choice; I was – and still am – 6ft and the choice was always how I deal with it – what I make it mean to me.  Does that ring any bells for you?  It’s always about how you ‘handle’ what lemons you have thrown at you.

It would have been easy to have slouched, to have tried to hide it by wearing flat shoes all the time but actually, I really like being tall and wear high heels as and when I want to.  Oh, and I’m married to someone a fair bit shorter than me.  So what?  It’s all about your perception and how you perceive your “unfair” advantage.

If you’re still not convinced, I’ve asked a few other people recently, just off the cuff, what they’ve struggled with and now could be their “unfair” advantage.  They’ve all been able to tell me immediately what theirs is.

• One friend – “Being Scottish – I’m remembered, I’m different and people like my accent”
• A client – “My dyslexia’s made me be so much more creative”
• Another client – “being made redundant – rather than put up with the day-to-day drudge of what I was doing, it made me look for something I actually wanted to do”
• My husband, Snowy – “My dad dying when I was so young helped me know how to look after myself and appreciate how hard my Mum worked”

Think about your “unfair” advantage.

• What is it that’s shaped you and how do you allow it to positively influence your life?
• If it doesn’t, how could it?
• What could you make it mean?

As Walt Disney said “All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me.  You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”

A great way to find out if you don’t instinctively know is to ask 3 different people who know you well.  Literally ask them “what do you think is my unfair advantage?” and just stop and listen to what they say. Often they’ll all come up with the same thing. Others often see – and appreciate – things in us, or about us, which we don’t or which we just take for granted.

Become clearer about if and how you allow your ‘secret sauce’ to be a way of engaging people and communicating who, and how, you are as you decide to show up.

I’d love to hear about your ‘secret sauce’ and how it helps you.  Please post your comments and thoughts below.