How to easily tell someone what you really want – without upsetting them
So often we either ask someone else – or say to ourselves –“How can I tell them that what they’re doing really needs to be better?” or “I wish I could tell them what I really want / think, without upsetting them.” Well, it’s easy to do just that and – like most things that may seem a bit tricky at first – it takes a bit of practice. Once you’re tried it a few times and got great results; it becomes part of your toolkit. Assuming you have a range of tools in your toolkit?
As I’ve heard said many times “if the only tool you have in your toolbox is a hammer, then you’re going to treat everything like a nail.” Communicating and connecting with people to get our work done and to keep things moving, we need a range of tools – everything from a hammer sometimes, to a ruler, to a feather duster (and everything in between.)
The tool I’m offering you to use is a made up website address (so no point “Googling” it) www.ebi.ok?
It’s simple to remember; it’s easy to use; and as a way of giving feedback it’s both natural and easy-to-take on board.
www.ebi.ok
www. = What Went Well
ebi. = Even Better If
ok = OK? Checking in.
How does this work and why is it useful? Well try this scenario for size.
Your colleague has just handed you an email they’ve drafted to send out to one of your clients. You read it and immediately you want to say “no, you’ve missed the point” or “it’s OK but you’ve left out the bit about XYZ”.
Put your possible response through the www.ebi.ok tool instead:
www: “well, it reads well and you’ve got the main points we discussed in there,
ebi: “and if you can bring out the part about XYZ then it’ll be spot on.”
ok: “Does that makes sense?” 
Can you see, when you read it back, we’ve brought out what’s good about it first and we’ve checked in to make sure they’ve understood. We haven’t just gone headlong in to “point out” what’s wrong. It’s a very subtle and natural way to say “and even better if XYZ” – you’re saying what you want to be different/better without diving in and trampling all over the other person’s feelings.
That approach so often just closes the other person down – and what’s the point of doing that, if you want the other person to work with you and alongside you?”