It’s something we can so easily do and it slows us down like bad software on our computers.

We – certainly I have – can hold on to anger or embarrassment or resentment about someone or something that’s happened and decide that it means something which it doesn’t… Sounds familiar?  

You could decide it means you’re silly, not experienced enough, not something ‘enough’ as  result of this experience.  It can be recent OR it can be something which happened many years ago.

BUT, here’s the kicker.  

For the most part the person or, as they say in films “protagonist” often has absolutely no idea or recollection of the incident nor even you yourself!  And there’s you using up so much precious time and energy preparing to defend yourself against someone/something which has long gone.  It’s so tough and, the first step, is being aware of it.  How and what you’re doing.

Hmm.  How do I know this to be true ?  Well, a few ways I can mention and many more I can’t here but it’s so true and so freeing when you take it on.

• Clients have told me they spoke up in class at school, got really embarrassed and decided they’d never speak up like that again.  Fast forward sometimes 20 years and they’re still hanging on to that feeling and missing opportunities at work as a result.
• << the teacher had probably retired… if still alive even, classmates gone in many directions and the last person they’re thinking about is you and what you said all those years ago.
• I spoke up after an intense planning meeting saying, in front of 5 guys I worked with, that I felt cervically-challenged!  I meant to say “Cerebrally challenged” but it came out wrong.  It went silent and one of the guys said “it must be something to do with the way you’re sitting Kay!”  
• << I felt mortified and embarrassed.  My colleagues thought it was funny and then moved on the meeting.  Years later I referred to it when we were having a get together and none of them remembered it.   No-one.
• When you look at people’s behaviour at work you have to wonder ‘what are you trying to do for yourself?’ or ‘what are you hiding by behaving like this?’ 
• << Often you’ll have a realisation that it’s not personal about you, more about them.  What they’re carrying still or trying to forget.  

My suggestion to you  is to be really conscious of your own behaviour which can be triggered by an incident which happened years ago.  Ask yourself, as I have done myself and with clients:

• How relevant is that to me now?
• What have I made this mean and how does it affect me?
• What would I say to that version of me at the time?
• How important is that person/s now, do I even know them anymore?
• What would I tell someone I care about to do about this?

Then try to be Elsa, from Frozen.  

Let it go.  Free yourself.  Why wouldn’t you?  You’re so far down the list for the others involved…

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And in other news…

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My sis is here staying with us for a little break which is lovely and here we are in the matching Velvet dresses our dear Mum made for us back in the day!