It’s good for your well-being and your career progress

As ambitious and tenacious women, we can hold on too tight and think we have to go fast at all times. Let me explain – I was working with a career woman who was finding her whole life balance was out of kilter making her resentful at work and grumpy at home. The knock on effects were alienating her colleagues at work and having her perceived as a negative influence and, at home, you can guess it’s not much fun having someone around who’s distracted and – as she said – thinking about being somewhere else. She felt everything was ‘at full chat’ as we say.

What it turned out that this client was doing was never being able to let go. She was so fixated on her To Do or To Be Done list and the details within it that she constantly was in a state of follow up, suspicious whether things were being or had been done and then – when they had been reported she had the unstoppable sense of needing to check. Doubling up the work, if you will, as well as creating a sense of distrust.

Now whilst this is an extreme example, sadly it’s not uncommon and here’s the thing, the energy – both mental and physical – it takes to hold on so tightly so everything is counter-productive. You can end up depleted of energy for the things that really do matter at the cost of holding on too tightly to some of the things which you can just let go of. And, no-one has to suffer or get hurt – or die. Let’s be honest here.

Here are a few examples where you might be holding on too tightly:

• Having to go to every meeting you’re invited to without thought of sending a representative or going to every-other-one.
• Not asking what the meeting is actually about and questioning whether you need to be there.
• Saying YES before you’ve even thought about the knock on effect – for every YES you say, you’re saying NO to something else anyway so you may as well know what it is – supper with your family, that favourite class at the gym, having a drink with your team, you get the idea – choices.
• Being married to your To-Do list and feeling lost and twitchy without it.
• Having to know every detail of what’s been said, done, decided on. Everything.

Now you know I’m not suggesting you let go to the extent you don’t know what’s happening or who’s done what and when. What I am suggesting is that you let people drop the ball sometimes, you let go of having to know/sort it all so that others can step up and take/share the responsibilities, so that you can focus on what’s really key rather than all the stuff. So that when it comes to it you can give the maximum time to your bigger goals and less to the ‘stuff’.

When you think about yourself doing this, of letting go and letting people get on with things, don’t go all weak-kneed about it…. I suggest you tell people it’s with them, “over to you to report back to me when it’s done – I trust you” << using that phrase is a powerful anchor for you to tell the other person “you’re a grown up, you can do this and I won’t chase you, it’s your responsibility.”

SO – here’s my dare for you to let go of a few things and notice what you notice.

• Look at your next month in your diary. See where the gaps are and book something like a lunch with a friend, contact, time at the gym, take a half-day, do something which makes you realise you have control over your time.
• Look at the commitments you have and ask yourself “what would happen if I wasn’t there? What would I do with the time and what would I miss?” This makes you question whether it’s just a habit or a ‘should be’ rather than a really important commitment.
• Another great question is “If I just couldn’t do it – what would happen?” and then maybe look at how that person/situation can support you now rather than in the worst-case-scenario you just dreamed up. So, that to me is why Letting Go is less about ‘not being able to’ and more about ‘choosing to do something else’.

We only have so much time and energy and where and how we choose to invest it separates us from the seemingly successful and the less so. As Jim Rohn, the famous author and speaker, said “Time is more precious than money. You can get more money but you cannot get more time.” Enough said.