Small word.  BIG difference.  If or how you can say “No” to things changes how you show up, what you show up to, how people treat you and what you choose to make important.

AND it changes your mental capacity for what you do want to do more of IF you can say No or Not Now to a myriad of things which overwhelm you or make you feel bad.

Now, I’m not saying this as if you don’t already know it!  

I’m writing about it because this very week I’ve worked with at least 4 brilliant senior women who all struggle with their boundaries.  

With saying “No”.  With making their own time and energy as important…no, more important, than everyone else’s.

One of the themes which came out of the discussions this week was around how to say NO without actually saying it.  

Here are a few ideas for you – quick and dirty – as the phrase goes…

• Acknowledge what you’ve heard and say what you can do… “OK, I hear that’s important, I can do X part of it by your deadline, who else can help make this happen?”
• Acknowledge the ask and ask what flexibility there is with the deadline…ie you’re assuming there is some.  “OK, appreciate this is urgent, what flexibility do we have with the deadline?  OR What is the most important part to tackle first to meet the deadline?”
• If you don’t know the answer to something and want to just say “no” instead, you can say “hmm, great question – if I had to guess at it I’d say XYZ but let me go and make sure, I’ll be back to you within <time>.  People love you for giving them an idea BUT you haven’t apologised or got embarrassed by saying “No, I don’t know”.  Not straight away anyway…
• 
  

These are only brief snippets for you.  Boundary setting is a lifelong quest and one which keeps testing us.

One of the most important things to remember is this. 

 If you struggle saying “No” directly then always remember anything you say “Yes” to means you’re saying “No” to something anyway.  Just always check in wth yourself as to what that is…

• Going to the gym?
• Finishing something you’ve already invested time in?
• Having a home time meal, spa, TV time..whatever?
• Reading a story to one of your kiddies?
• etc 

It’s a useful way to remind you to take back the steering wheel of your time and drive it, more intentionally, to where you want to go.

We don’t have to fill every moment.  Gaps are good.  Spaciousness in your diary is good for you and is kind for you.  Now there’s a thought!

Or in someone else’s words…

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And in other news…

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We went out for a long walk by the sea and then a meal and we said “no” to taking our hounds with us.  Sometimes it’s nice to just leave them at home and focus on our conversations and our surroundings.  This is what greeted us when we returned 😍  Affronted I think that looks says…