As soon as I heard her say it my ears pricked up, I noted it down word for word and I waited until she’d finished.

Starting work with a new client recently, we were discussing her focus, time, commitments and what kind of changes she wanted to make happen.

It was when she said, amongst the many other commitments she has “Oh and Kay, I’m sort of doing a PhD.”  

What?!  Sort of?  Studying, researching and committing to the discipline of what PHD takes isn’t a ‘sort of’ commitment!

So, when I asked her about the phrase she said along the lines of “Well, I don’t like to boast about it or make anyone else feel threatened by me doing this.”

There’s so much to unpack and discuss in this phrase, I didn’t know where to start so I started with the ‘weasel’ words as I call them.

Weasel words are those pesky ‘little’ words which downplay or minimise the importance of what you’re saying and start to cast doubt on your credibility…

• Hello, it’s only me (Only, really, how girly that sounds)
• I hope you don’t mind me asking but (you need to ask to be clear about things.  Ask.)
• I’m sure you’ve already thought of this but (stop downplaying your ideas)
• I know you’re busy and I just want to say (everyone’s busy, speak!)
• I’m sort of doing a PhD (er hello, as above, you are or you’re not.)

I get that a lot of the above comes from conditioning.  Conditioning to be nice, not to take up too much space – literally or auditory – but you can tell can’t you  it doesn’t do us any favours.

Downplaying what we’re communicating, commenting on, suggesting, pushing back on with “just” and “only” and “sort of” and “hope you don’t mind” only adds an element of uncertainty to you AND to your listener.

The above would then quickly shift as follows:

• Hello, quick question for you << most people have time for one of those
• This will take just a moment to clarify with you << people like being quickly asked for clarity
• One of my ideas is to << so what if it’s already out there, you’ll have more ideas
• When’s a good time to discuss XYZ << you’re presuming there will be a good time
• I’m in the middle of my PhD << no apology, just facts

A final word on the matter…

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My precious God Daughter, Bea went to her Prom yesterday and she looked the part, felt embarrassed with all the fuss and…became Prom Queen!  Snowy was her Chauffeur in a vintage car of his (complete with Chauffeur’s cap!) and her Mum and I couldn’t have been prouder…