If you can master the superpower of silence it will amaze you!

So many people – women particularly – struggle with silence.  Need to fill the space.  Keep talking when they should stop.  Find the silence uncomfortable.

But.

Silence is a superpower if you can use it wisely.

Waiting isn’t about being stuck.  

Sitting with a gap of silence after you’ve spoken or stated your case is a power move.

You’ve said your bit and you knew what you were going to say (in general 🤭)

Your audience didn’t.  Be it one person or many.  They’re thinking things through…

Allowing what you’ve said to ‘land’ as I say it is about being quiet, waiting to see what (if any) reaction you get.

I’ve worked with so many women who really struggle to stop speaking.

It sounds daft but it’s a real thing.  If you can’t just sit with the silence as someone is thinking through what you’ve said then you lose a real advantage.

As an ex-Insurance Broker I was taught to shut up.  You state your case to an underwriter, give information and then stop.

The underwriter who I was broking to would be thinking, calculating, working things out.  He or she would be irritated if I kept adding to what I’d said instead of sitting with the silence.  

I could force them to say NO to me instead of YES just to shut me up.  No no.

Sit with the tension if you will.

If you can master this you will find people more responsive, you stop yourself babbling or over-explaining and – if and when you’re ready – you can just add “So, what if any questions do you have?”

A client told me her Board members were a bit “stunned” when she stated her case for something and then just stopped.  Sat down.  She waited.

She said she had to literally bite her lip.

The response was quick and decisive.

I asked her what she would normally have done.

She said, along the lines of “Oh gone over the details again, added some more information, repeated myself...”  No.  Not necessary.

So.  How can this help you?

If you know you over explain or really struggle with silence – both personally AND professionally.

Try these few tips:

• Stop speaking and count to at least 5 (it gives you something to do!) 
• Bite your lip and say to yourself “there’s power in this silence”
• Consider how you need time to think.  So do others.  You’re giving it to them. 

A final word on the matter…

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“It is a great thing to know the season for speech and the season for silence.”

~ Seneca 5BC – 65AD

 And in other news…

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Yesterday we welcomed Thelma Puppyhound into our pack.  Having said “Never again” when we had our first pup Douglas 3 years ago, I changed my mind.  So far so chaotic but lovely!

Another ”all change” moment here in our homelife!  We’ve been in our ‘new’ home in the countryside now for 2 years.  It’s been such a shift being much further away from London.  We’ve missed many things AND been happy to say goodbye to many more other things.  You never know until you let go and take that leap of faith…a bit like welcoming Thelma!